Journeys: Deborah Lisibach

Date: September 3, 2002

My name is Debbie and I'm an ex-premie. I've just discovered this website, and have read a few testimonies, and what I've been reading has deeply touched me because I had no idea of what has been going on and went on while I was a premie. I was never apart of the inner sanctuary as a lot of you were, and I can understand your pain and what you must have went through on discovering the deception.

I left Maharaji not because I saw through him but because after being a follower for 17 years, I wasn't getting the spiritual fullfillment promised, basically he wasn't delivering. I didn't hold him responsible, I just thought I wasn't devoted enough, so went into praticing my own brand of spirituality, involving many new age philosophies. This way I was only accountable to myself. I didn't need a master or Guru because my new beliefs gave me the power to direct my own life. I started this long before I actually left Maharaji, in fact after the first 2-3years of practicing knowledge, I came to this realization but because my entire social life revolved around premies and programs I stayed and attended all the events, pretending to myself and others that I was having an incredible time with knowledge.

Then one day something inside said, what are you doing, and where are you going. I'd built up a good business, I had an esoteric shop, a small group of clients who believed that I had psychic abillities so came to me for tarot readings and advice on their spiritual directions. I'd hit the same brick wall, I had no special power or abilities, all my advice came out of a book someone else had written. I realized I was lost, and if I had to depend on myself for the rest of my life I was most certainly in trouble. I workshopped my way through seeking out new enlightening techniques, crystal healing, looking for aliens, chanting mantras, that I could never remember so they constantly changed, until one day my heart heard the cry of my soul and I verbalized it. "God, if you really exist, help me".

Not long after that I met a Christian, one of those fanatic followers of Jesus, whom I'd for years concidered narrow minded and ignorant and blinded by their faith. This person spoke words of wisdom I'd never heard in the arena I was in, nothing really profound or outstanding, but the ears of my heart listened. What I was hearing was I don't have to rely on my own or anybody elses understanding because God loves me enough to sustain my mind, body and soul, and he wants me to know him personally. Because the Bible was the only book I knew of where I could learn about God and who Jesus really was, eventhough I was skeptical about who wrote it, I decided to do what this Christian said and ask God to reveal Himself to me through His written word. And praises to Him who delivered what he said He would.

I've been a committed Christian for 5 years now, those years have been both joyful and painful, but without a doubt I can say there is only one God and one Messiah, saviour of all who cry out "God help me". So I don't want to add to the list another hurt and broken journey, because there is life after Maharaji, he has been responsible for many things and he will be bought to account for them, but it isn't our job to pull him down and smear his name, there's no healing in that. God will deal with him in His time not ours. My prayer is for all who are still suffering, that you don't give up on God (the real God) but ask Him like I did, and He will deliver, but don't take my word for it find out for yourself.

God bless you ex-premies, and God bless Maharaji.

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